


My name is Mitsuko Souma

by emerwenaranel



Series: Mitsuko Souma [2]
Category: Battle Royale - Takami Koushun
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-05-31 03:27:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19417537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emerwenaranel/pseuds/emerwenaranel
Summary: Mitsuko remembers her childhood and she deeply regrets her life, even though she is innocent.





	1. Childhood

I remember my childhood most vividly. It was the time when I suffered too much. I hate my life now because my memories are killing me. But I have to stay alive or so I guess. On the other hand, I do not what I expect from my life now. I mean that the pain is so great that I cannot handle it. I do not know what to do, I only know that I am too angry. I love tormenting other people, I love punishing men for being so naive or so perverted. I guess that I am a pervent as well because I love murdering and stealing. My classmates are so scared of me. But I guess that I do not care about their opinion.  
I have to live my life until it comes to an end. But I will not commit suicide, if this is what you think. I am not that weak. I will stay alive and do my best to survive in this cruel world. If they let me live, of course. I have to stay alive and do something against this government that hates people of my age. For I am still too young, I am underage. But I have suffered much more than you. I was raped multiple times, I was tormented more than you can imagine. And I am so angry because of this. I blame my mother and the men who did this to me. I wonder why mother hated me so much as to let those men gangrape me.  
I was only a child, an innocent child, when all of this happened to me. I was raped after that as well. This teacher should have ben locked behind bars when he raped me instead of helping me deal with what had happened to me when those men gangraped me while filming their crime. And my mother should be severely punished for letting them do such a terrible thing to me for the money. I wanted to kill her once but now, I do not care about her. I am far away from her, so she cannot harm me now. She cannot let others harm me for her own profit. But why a mother would do such a thing to her precious daughter?  
On the other hand, I doubt I was precious to her. Otherwise, she would not let those monsters hurt me so much. Men are monsters. All of them are pigs, and I hate them for that. I wish I could escape from them but I cannot. So, I have to make them suffer as much as they made me suffer. I have to get revenge for what I have been through all those years. This is what keeps me alive for so long. I want to punish them for hurting innocent women, I want to be stronger than they are. Because all men are weak, they deserve to die. By my own hands, most preferably.  
I want to survive, even if my school is chosen for Battle Royale. If I and my classmates are chosen to participate in this program, I will shine. Becuase I know how to survive in thsi cruel, dangerous world, unlike most of them. I will get the money and I will go far away from this awful place because I need to escape from this terrible life. For I am so tired of fighting to survive. I want to escape from my memories, if this is possible. But I guess that I will always be tormented by them. I may die as well soon, but I do not care about that. I guess I want to die because it is the only way to escape from this gruesome pain.  
I need to forget, but I want to see the others suffering first. I need to intimidate them even more. I cannot get enough, you see. I know that I already scare them so much but I have to scare them even more. This is my only way to get revenge. But I am different from Kazuo. He is a sociopath, while I am not. I am too human because I know what pain is. He does not know what pain is. He does not feel any regrets when he torments other people, but I guess that I am a terrible person when I commit crimes. On the other hand, I have to act as soon as I can in order to survive in this world.  
Is it not funny, though? That I am like this? I should have remained innocent but this innocence was stolen from me. So, I became a terrible person. The bullied girl became the bully of the school. And they are so scared of me. But I have my friends, I am not alone. My friends and I have formed a gang in order to steal money from older men after having sex with them. Those men are so sexist. They think that women are easy but they are the ones who are easy when it comes to sex. It is easy to fool then, it is easy to rob them and kill them after having se with them.  
I love seeing them being intimidated by me when I hold my weapon against them. Their eyes widen in shock, they want to shout and call the police. But they die before they call the cops. And the police officers cannot solve the crimes I have committed with the other girls. They are too stupid to find us. I enjoy those moments, because they show my worth. They prove that I can be a strong woman, even though I am still underage. But I guess that I will die soon if my school is chosen for Battle Royale. This program is designed to kill innocent underage people. It is a law because they do not want us to rebel against them.  
But I have already rebelled against this society. I have rebelled because I have suffered so much. I hate the society that tolerates rapists. I hate the society that tolerates mothers who hurt innocent children for their own profit. But I always thought that it was easy for the adults to get away with it, leaving us messed up, hurt, brutally raped and murdered. For the Battle Royale act wants us to die. The government wants to kill us because we once rebelled for all the right reasons. But I will get my revenge against society before I die. I will not reach adulthood, but I will do my best to get revenge.


	2. Nobody seems to understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitsuko is sad, too sad in reality.

I do not think that my classmantes understand me. Nobody does. I hate that so much because I always hoped that people would understand what I have been through. I do not say that they should pity me, because I always thought that there is something cruel in pity. I only want to be loved and be understood. I do not want to be hated so much, but I cannot change the way the others feel about me. Sometimes, I want to scare them just to see their reactions. But they are afraid of me, even when I do not do anything at all. I guess I enjoy that but this is not the definition of a happy life.  
Because I am not meant to be happy. I may feel joy sometimes, but I do not feel happiness. And I am sure that I will die soon, before I reach adulthood. I am sure that I will be murdered at Battle Royale, I am sure that I will never find peace in this life, in this world. But I hope that I will die deep down inside. It is the only way to escape from this terrible pain I constantly feel. I want to shout right now in anger because it is the only way to calm down. But I am not doing this because I am not insane. I am much better than people think. much better than them.  
I want to kill some of my classmates, though, I want to murder them because they are so stupid. Have you ever wanted to do the same? I do not know if you want to do that, but I certainly do. I want to ruin them, but I am not a sociopath like Kazuo. I do not want to be like him. I want to be myself for once. I guess that it is difficult to be myself, however, since I cannot remember how it feelis like to be happy. The others know how it feels to be full of happiness but I do not. Because the others ruined my life since I was only an innoncent child. And I deeply hate them for this.  
I wish that I could get revenge, I am trying so hard for precious vengeance, and I want to punish the whole world for my suffering. But I guess that nobody cares about that. I wish they cared about me, I wish that they would make this pain go away. Because I am tired of living like this. I want to be like my classmates sometimes, but I have to be strong, I have to be intimidating in order to survive. But I am glad that I have some friends because they have kept me alive in this cruel world, where every teenager like me may olose their lives if they participate in Battle Royale.  
I guess that this program will prove that I can shine, but I will get murdered there. I do not care about that because I am not afraid of death, I never was. I may die there but do you know something? The death of the soul is much worse that the death of the body. And I died a long time ago even though I am still alive. I cannot feel the pain sometimes, I have gone numb, I guess. But then, the pain of my heart comes back. And I suffer even more then. I wish that I would never had experienced this kind of pain, but others had a different opinion and they made sure that I would suffer too much.  
So, I am here, ready to get revenge for what has happened to me. I will torture more men because I hate them. They are nauseating and stupid. I am much better than them, I know that too well, even though I am much younger than they are. I can survive in this cruel world, I learnt how to survive the hard way, unlike them. And my gang friends are here to prove that I can be stronger than most people. I know how to be strong because life taught me a hard lesson. I appreciate that lesson, despite the fact that I hate most people since they made sure I would be raped and in great pain.  
I wish I was loved by others, though. Especially by mother, but she is a bitch. I already explained what she once did to me. What men have done to me. I will never forgive them, forgiving others is for the weak, and I am not weak. I may feel mercy for what a woman suffers, though. I know that women are the victims, but they can be strong because they know what pain is. We can prove that we can be equals to men, we can make them suffer as much as they made us suffer. And this is glorious. I want them to die, I want to find peace, inner peace for once.  
But this is not for me. I doubt that happiness and calmness are what I am meant for. I doubt that I will find what I want because the world wants me to suffer because I am different. Because I am much more beautiful than the other girls. They are jealous of me, I know that. I know that they want me to disappear or die because I am much better than them. I will kill those who think this way because I hate them equally. I do not like the boys and girls who hate me because they are not here to help me feel better, despite the fact that they know what I have been through.


	3. Murderous tendencies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mitsuko thinks that she wants to kill more people but she cannot have fun anymore.

Let me tell you that it is not funny to kill someone. It is so difficult to murder people, it is dirty and nauseating. But I guess that someone has to do that. It is the survival of the fittest, as people say, and I am strong enough to survive in this cruel world. I have evolved so much over the course of the years, I have adapted to the environment. I know now what other people want and I use this knowledge for my advantage. I am more intelligent than most kids of my age, I am stronger than them. I use my beauty to extort money and I can kill because women can also kill someone.  
I wonder why men underestimate us when it comes to murder. I know I can kill all the people who try to hurt me, I can punish them severely for that reason. I am not a defenseless child anymore. I can take revenge for what I have been through, but this does not mean I am a psychopath or a sociopath. I only want to get revenge in order to deal with the pain I feel for what happened to me. It is impossible to forget that I was raped at different times by different people. I cannot forgive them for what they did to me. I doubt that I will be able to forgive and forget, the pain is too great to forget that.  
I hope that I will die soon in order to get over this terrible feeling becuase I am so tired of trying to survive in this terrible world. I hate this world, I hate its people even more becuase they hate adolescents like me. I wonder why they try to ruin us. We have not done anything wrong. But they hate us because we are different or so I guess. I hope that I will punish those people before I die. Because I am so strong that I am not afraid of death. I want to escape from this world. Even if I survive Battle Royale, I will go far away from everyone, I hope that I will change schools in order to escape from this nightmarish place.  
My homeland is awful, it vrings back terrible memories. I doubt that people like me here. I think sometimes that they are thinking of a way to get rid of me because I am a gang leader. I think they would be too happy if I was put in prison but I will not do them that favour. I am sure they cannot prove that I have committed all these crimes. I have an innocent look on my face, and the jury will like me. I can play the innocence card if I ever get arrested. I can escape from people wrath by playing at Battle Royale. I will become famous then, I will be stronger than ever, and my strength will prove that I can be better than they think.  
I know that I am a terrible person but committing minor crimes probably eases the pain I constantly feel. But I have also committed terrible cirmes, like killing people. I deeply regret that but I could not change that because the men I killed were terrible people. They deserved to die because the ywanted to have sex with a child. Because I am still underage, you see. I need a few years to become an adult, and I already dislike this society that tries to torture innocent children because the young people of this country once rebelled against this fascist government.  
They hate us so much, even though they created all these problems. Young men aand women are still unemployed, it is difficult to study at the university, and it is impossible to find happiness in this world. It is one of the reasons why I need to get revenge from people. Becuase the adults have ruined our lives, and i deeply hate them for that. I doubt that they understand what we go through every day of our existence. I doubt that they can feel remorse and sympathy for those who are in pain. Adults are terrible people, and I never wanted to be like them. I would rather commit suicide than become like them.


	4. The end is near

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Battle Royale is soon to begin, and Mitsuko feels better now.

I am happy now because Battle Royale is about to begin, and I can become famous if I survive. Even if I die, I will be famous. I will punish society for what they have done to me. I will take revenge for what they did to me when I was a child. I will punish my classmates because they are terrible. They are so cheap and stupid, I am much better than them, I know it. I now I can do better than them, I can survive in this cruel world. But, deep down inside, I hope that I will die because I want to escape from the nightmares that keep tormenting me. I want to escape from everyone and everything.  
I want to find happiness in the afterlife, if it is real. I will find oblivion after death, this is all I want. I want to be far away from everyone, but I guess I am already dead. Mentally, I mean. But my body is still alive ,I have already killed some of my classmates but I try to ignore the sadness I am feeling right now. I want to forget, I want to be numb, I want to torture others, just like I was tortured. Only then they will realise what I have been through. Because this world is a wicked place for young people. There is still unemployment, there is still rage and pain in our hearts.  
I wonder if this government will ever stop doing this to us. I doubt that they will. But I hope that those kids will escape from this island and rebel against the corrupted government. I want them to fight and bring those politicians down. I hate them too much, I want to survive and kill mroe adults in order to get revenge for every woman who has suffered. Because we have a harder time than men, I know it too well. I want to die and stay alive at the same time. I a mso confused right now because I do not know what to do. I guess I have to continue fighting even if I de by Kazuo.  
Because I know him too well. He is much worse than I am, he is a sociopath, he does not feel anything. But I wonder if he kills me. If I kill him before he kills me? I do not know. But I cannot find him, he is far away now, I guess he is at the other side of the island, killing without regrets. I wonder what the hell he is thinking right now, I guess that he will not feel a thing if he kills me. That is him, you see. But I can feel so many things, I am not like him. But I hope that I will survive just to see the expression on his face when he meets me. I am sure that he will be surprised to see that I am still alive.  
I wonder how it feels to die. I guess I already know that. What the hell am I saying? I know how it feels to die inside because I have experienced so much pain that I am dead inside, but I can feel so many things at times. I wonder if Kazuo has ever felt anything in his life. I do not know because I am not his friend. I am sure that he has already killed his friends, I heard their names among those who were murdered during Battle Royale. Did he feel a thing when he murdered them? Let me doubt about that. But I can feel the pain of my victims when I kill them, this is who I am.  
But now, I am dying, as I foresaw. I do not mind that at all. I can escape the government's wrath now, and I do not care about the fact that Kazuo is my murderer. At leas,t we are equals, and I know that he will die soon. He will be punished for his crimes. He will find death too. I know it now. I am happy, however, because I am flying far away from everyone. I am free now, I am happy because I will not be tortured again. I want to smile, I am already smiling. My face is so beautiful right now. I want to fly far away from this island and escpape from this cruelty, from this terrible world.


End file.
